Cutting Through The Depression
by LM.C.lover.3000
Summary: Misaki is having nightmares about his parents death. Will Usagi-san notice ther's something wrong before it's too late...xoxo


Cutting Through The Depression

The pin number came to me as easy as it does every day, my finger moving swiftly across each number before my brain could even comprehend that I had actually reached the door until I heard that familiar click of welcoming. I sighed deeply before taking the handle and stepping into the pointlessly large but homely apartment, that I had now been living in with my…lover for the last year. I closed the door behind me softly as not to disturb my elder partner whilst working and lay my back and head against it with another deep sigh; my hands coming up to rub my closed eye lids, willing my migraine to go away. After finally coming to the conclusion that standing at the doorway, pleading with my eyelids wasn't going to help my situation at all. I decided to finally push myself weakly from the door whilst slipping my over shoulder bag off and dragging it across the carpeted floor. The apartment was silent to my ears the only sounds were the faint drum of traffic, the pacing tick-tock of the clock and the low moan of my bag being helplessly tugged through the main room. I stopped at one of the deep pastel pink sofas and threw my bag on there with a soft thud before landing myself right next to it, head in hands.

This past month had been hell, all my coursework was due in, I had exams most days and I wasn't sleeping at all, not with all these images running through my head. Almost every night for the last couple of weeks nightmares of my parent's death were haunting my sleep. All these twisted dreams were coming from nowhere and killing my heart, they hurt the whole my body and made it ache. I winced at the thought of even sleeping tonight, by myself in that massive double bed surrounded in soft toys.

I hadn't told Usagi-san; of course not he was stressed enough himself. He had been working for weeks trying to finish of a book which had of course needed to be in about two months ago, causing him now to rush, trying to finish it in time for the weekend coming. This meant he hardly came to sleep in his room with me at night and would just end up dozing off in his computer seat in front of the desk. I suppose that made getting through the hell-ish month harder for me with him not being there, especially with how close we had now gotten through this relationship.

I groaned bringing my head up, knowing I'd have to start on my coursework for the afternoon then cook tea for Usagi-san and myself, before he'd go back up stairs and I'd begin revision, before lying in bed, having a nightmare and crying until the sun comes back up. That's how it worked at the moment. With one look at my bag I began to pile out all the papers for my coursework. Here we go.

_It was dark, pitch black. I couldn't see anything, I couldn't feel anything, but I continued to reach out my small dainty hand out into the darkness, pleading with my terrified sobs for someone to help me. But no one was coming no one was reaching for me and hushing me whilst rubbing my back. No one was whispering sweet nothings into my ear and telling me they love me. No one was Usagi-san and no one was here._

_I felt like I'd sat in this rolled up ball sobbing for hours until I finally saw the light in the near distance shining. I didn't even think, didn't comprehend of what could be there. I just ran and ran fast towards the light hoping it would lead me out. But what was there caused me to stop and stare in shock at the scene before me. A pool of ever growing blood was drowning the bodies of my parents, their bodies twisted and pale against the crimson they lay in. A loud sob escaped my mouth and I began moving to my right so I could see what lay behind my parents only to wish I never had. Usagi san, was on the ground besides them cold dead and dripping with more pure blood, his face contorted in to pain, but his purple eyes were wide and they were staring right at me. My knees weakened and a sound escaped, a sound that made my own ears bleed and my feet run away, away from these image faster and faster…_

I almost strained my back at the speed I sat up; the sweat dripping off my forehead and the ends of my hair soaking my top in to dark patches. I took a stuttering, shaky breathe and swung my legs round to the side of the bed so my toes could feel the wiry stubble of the carpet and collapsed my head into my hands with a fit of sobs. I could feel my bones weakening as the images from my night passed over the back of my eyes burning and poisoning them into my memory. It was painful, both mentally and physically as an ache pulled on my deteriorating heart. With a sigh, I pushed the sodden hair from my face, my fingers winding between the thick waterlogged strands and pushed my heavy body up in to a stood position.

What I really wanted to do was run to Usagi-sans office, just so I could see him, see him alive, to touch him, to feel him, his smooth skin beneath my dainty fingertips, his plump lips pressed against mine. I knew I couldn't go see him though, not if I wanted to keep this away from him. I bit my lip, attempting to prevent another sob, quietly and cautiously opening the bedroom door to step out to the darkened corridor. Wrapping my arms around myself from the bitter nipping cold, I carried my pitiful body to the bathroom two doors away from where I stood and closed the door behind me with a click of the lock. I clicked the switch and watched as the room came into focus with the sudden light filling the room, my eyes landing on the new bag of my razors sat on the edge of the porcelain bath. A shudder ran down my spine at the thought of it. People had done it before, they said it helped the pain, all he wanted was that. To help the pain go away, he wouldn't be doing anything wrong. My eyes lowered to the skinny wrists hanging to my sides and back to the glinting razors.

Just this once…

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><p>To be continued...<p>

xoxox


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